A strange reflection.....

Yesterday while shopping at PS, a strange feeling overwhelmed me....

There I was, it just dawn on me that I was strolling leisurely in the mall....

You might be screaming at me now .... " what's the enlightenment??.. what so big deal ??...."

Well, for over 15 years, when I was in the front line sales, days when 'people' rest and play, it was the time I had to set appointments to meet them, talk to them about financial planning.... I had to meet sales target on 'people's' off day...

For a fleeting moment as I stroll past Mc and Coffee Beans, I could 'see' myself in the past, meeting 'people' for 'tea or coffee', just so I can sell them something..... Just so that I can make a living....

I recalled at times I dragged myself for a appointment, forced a plastic smile and evoked a sense of drama just so I drove home a point....
It was emotionally demanding at times even after 15 years....
I'm only human....


.........when people enjoying and relaxing, I was working.........


For a moment, I realised I was relaxing and not thinking about meeting sales target, doing recruitment, doing coaching with my not very happening team, checking my team for production (what production?...), chasing underwriters for appeals (always come back with problem cases...), chasing clients for late premiums, worrying when Compliance would be auditing my files, attending endless 'management meetings' or having to fix the cranky PC or shredder in the office ....

....I am FREE now !!!


This month would be my 1.5yrs reverting back to employment life.... and I'm very appreciative of the opportunities and kindness colleagues have extended to me so far.... I have a new found meaning in life, a new direction, a new passion towards another phase of my life.....


For someone that's passed 40, to stepped back into the rigid employment environment, having spend 15 years of free spirited 'sole proprietor' life, is no walk in the park.... ( It takes someone in my predicament before to understand...)


There were loads of pressure to perform and to gain acceptance.... You have so many faces to look at, and so many are looking at you as well....
Some wonder how long you can lasts....

I had to shut off my social life for the whole period, just so I know I have no route of escape to hide myself, to run away or to drown my pressures in spirits....

I cut myself off from many close friends, many wondered why I turned 'no picture no sound' for more than a year... Why I changed so suddenly, so drastically.... I could not explain myself than...

I simply enveloped myself in work, forced myself into a corporate mould that I lost touch with for more than a decade...

I almost burned all the bridges of friendship that I invested in the many years before...

I have no choice.... or rather, it was a choice I had to make... I have no time to fool around or to test waters....
I had to survive or sink, period!


Looking back and looking forward.... I am at peace with the decisions I've made so far...
The path ahead now looks a lot brighter than one and half years ago....
I cannot imagine what life would be if I stayed behind....

I am grateful to those that have released me, and even more grateful to the many that have accepted me and given me a chance...

My deepest gratitude and appreciation to all of you.... Thank you very much !!